To make sure that your child will never want to read, enjoy books, or love to learn, do follow all these tips! (I can’t claim credit—I’ve seen this several places on the internet and wasn’t able to find out where it originated. If you know, let me know, and I’ll be sure to attribute it.)
These make me laugh out loud.
- Never read where your children can see you.
- Put a TV or computer in every room. Don’t neglect the bedrooms and kitchen.
- Correct your child every time she mispronounces a word.
- Schedule activities every day after school so your child will never be bored.
- Once your child can read independently, throw out the picture books. They’re for babies.
- Don’t play board games together. Too dull.
- Give little rewards for reading. Stickers and plastic toys are nice. Money is even better.
- Don’t expect your children to enjoy reading. Kids’ books are for teaching vocabulary, proper study habits, and good morals.
- Buy only 40-watt bulbs for your lamps.
- Under no circumstances read your child the same book over and over. She heard it once, she should remember it.
- Never allow your child to listen to books on tape; that’s cheating.
- Make sure your kids only read books that are “challenging.” Easy books are a complete waste of time. That goes double for comic books and Mad magazine.
- Absolutely, positively no reading in bed.